Listening to and Understanding Women in Poor or Male Dominated Circumstances (i.e. workplaces)

Hmmmm, how to begin this…

Earlier this month, I had a woman, Dom, respond to one of my comments and she had valid points. The content that I was responding to was the article “ I Will Not Be Wearing the Company T-shirt and Khaki Pants” by Victoria Corindi.
I had chosen to plug in specific content to commend Victoria on her article and added more from my side as a guy.

Yet, I had a few folks who:

• seemed to believe I was somewhat of a ogre (a very broad generalization I made seeing as how I was slammed) or
• as one guy with a narrow mindset stated that I was “mansplainin’” (his profile and articles paints him as an individual that no one would want to be associated with).
• While I had others who ‘did’ like my lengthy response, by comments there or emailed me later.

However, it seems as if there is an algorithm that somehow got me shoe horned into something more. That, according to Dom, I may be “trying to understand….”

I started off by replying to her comment reply but then it got lengthy as well, so, here we are. Following is my reply to Dom and then more added afterwards.

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Hello Dom.

Yes, all good, valid points.

But, NO — I am not trying to understand — I DO UNDERSTAND.

I’ve been down that road — the women I referred to in my reply to Victoria Corindi 🌻article, these were/are women I trusted explicitly and women who trusted me to the same degree.

For decades, I’ve been open-minded and willing to listen as well as being one of the ones to cut through (whenever and wherever I can) ALL THE DISCRIMINATION GARBAGE I’ve seen for all these years…!!!

Discrimination because of:

* age

* race

* gender

* sexual preference and

* SEXISM

NONE of those have a place in our world today or ever at any time.

What women have to endure is the crappiest garbage I can stand. And I have endured it since Betty Friedan and Gloria Steinem grabbed the spotlight / torch in their times and created a humongous pathway for women (and open-minded men). These two women were and are icons and it is sad that more men did not pay attention or give them an ear (to listen to them) over the decades since 1963 (Betty).

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continuation of comment/reply:

And the only thing I can do is to be a voice — in person or in print and HOPE LIKE HELL that at least ONE other person sees/hears the clarion call for sanity, clear vision, logic and/or equality and they in turn, grabs at least another person to do the same. For a geometric growth (or even better, an exponential growth) for change…

This is all I can do, be a role model for change. To show women and other discriminated people/groups that “I” am with them. My focus however, has been on being open to women who are ‘not’ considered to be the “influencer” or glamour magazine beauty…. I try to make sure that women of all:

• ages (old or young),
• body types (large or small),
• looks (pretty or what is referred to as ‘plain’ or not attractive),
• height (short or tall)

I try to be there for all women who needs or wants someone to listen to them and to understand them. This is me and how its been for years. The only time women and guys do not approach and open up to me is when I am in serious mode, it scares folks away — so I have to smile more. This is how I got my Arabic name, while learning one of several languages — the professor called me “Bassam”, a smiler…. The friendlier face is to ‘not’ scare folks away. As well as soften my voice. My voice has been used to cut through garbage at times, especially in meetings — with executives to cut them off when needed or to bring BACK into the conversation or briefings — the voices of women who were cut off by some senior guy (Colonels, Generals, Executives [VPs to CEOs]), who cut the woman off because she was/is a woman…. I get away with this a lot because who is going to come after me for letting a woman having her say in any of these situations…??? And these seniors know I only speak up like that when I there is something important to say or note or bring in something that was missed — like a woman who was cut off mid-sentence….!!!

This is the premise of equality — standing up for others is a huge chunk of it.

Fighting large corporations, old set in stone bureaucracies or the ilk that none of which are willing to change is a significant battle. Yep, but all we can do is somehow get open-minded leaders into senior leadership positions to do something about it. Like GETTING BETTER clothing designs for women…!!! As well as for those men who ALSO do not have forms that fit them for clothing…. The biggest pain point here though are those corporations/companies that DO NOT make the effort to spend money, time or thought on subjects such as uniforms. Too many of these entities are “nickling and diming” and obtaining mass made uniforms — one size to fit all. Yet, they seem to not understand, because of this, it affects the morale and health (mental/emotional) of women and men. Wearing something that is humiliating is pathetic and embarrassing — and many of us have worn uniforms in the past for some work… THIS brings down productivity / effort as well as demoralizing folks because they look bad in horrible uniforms….

Yes, women who push back CAN face hell in return — which is unconscionable — at ANY time. We have too many senior male leaders (and a few female leaders) who always continue to create hell in these circumstances. Until we have more leaders in place to break these cycles.

For me, I have been ears, eyes and MIND open (see how I did that… you still awake out there?) for multiple decades against discrimination and sexism and primarily against racism. Especially male power grabbers who want women to be quiet.

Here, here is one example where a woman ‘did not’ know me that well BUT she knew my values for all:

While I was a fed/blue badge at an Intel agency, I (in charge of the Intelligence Watch standers/Cybersecurity SMEs) — a Navy Commander rotated in to take my Intel Watch stander chief role — no one had informed me I was in a military billet for over 10 months. This ‘new’ lead turned into his natural self, a bully.

After this guy had taken over, he became a bully so bad, a young E5 Coast Guard woman who was on the team came to me a few months later to say she was giving up one her stripes to transfer out early because of that Commander. This woman, was one of the ones who saw my ethics and integrity — even though we had no interaction for several months since that Commander rotated in. She trusted me because I was/am open, even though I outranked her by quite a stretch — — this woman, who did not know me well, knew where I stood, and so, she came to me.

My door has always been open to listen or help when I can.

Or to spread the word for more of us (especially men) to be better whenever possible… Not all of us men are thick-headed to be blind or unaware of what is happening… just not enough of us to unite with women to stop this damn cycle of inequality, discrimination and SEXISM.

I can definitely go on concerning discrimination and sexism because globally, it is out there and even worse in many, MANY other countries. It is going to take “at least” another decade (being generous here) before more of the women on this planet will eventually see/have equality everywhere in everything.

In the meantime, we have moronic, toxic masculinity and weak willed men led by imbeciles such as Trump that many people somehow, SOMEHOW do not see this clown for what he is. Trump, and others like him, are not a role model for anyone with a brain to follow — yet, we have many men and a incredible large number of women who do. So — at some point, we ‘HAVE GOT TO REPLACE’ these individuals who do not deserve to be in power. Otherwise, the cycle keeps repeating and women will continue to suffer the most…

Stopping here.